ARFID & Neurodivergent Kids
Reading through Facebook I’m always struck by the gaps in the system and how families are struggling in different areas of this journey and it reminds me of my own journey.
Recently a post resonated with me more than most and I felt strongly that I needed to share my experiences and maybe a little knowledge with you all, maybe so that it might help….
There are lots of buzz words floating around in the neurodiversity space right now and I understand how hard it is to really understand what they all mean and how they might fit in to our experience and everyday lives.
One of these is ARFID. This stands for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. It's a type of eating challenge where a person (often a child) avoids or restricts certain foods — not because of body image concerns (like in anorexia), but because of:
Sensory sensitivities — taste, texture, smell, or even the look of certain foods might feel overwhelming or disgusting.
Fear of a negative experience — like choking, vomiting, or getting sick from a food.
Low interest in eating — some kids just don’t feel hunger in a typical way or eating feels like a chore.
People with ARFID often have a very short list of “safe foods” — and eating outside that list can cause stress, gagging, or meltdowns. It’s not just picky eating — it impacts health, growth, or daily life (like social meals or family routines).
It’s very important to understand as parents and caregivers that this is NOT A PARENTING ISSUE - it’s a brain based difference that is often connected to autism, ADHD, anxiety or sensory processing issues.
Also, weight does NOT define whether someone is struggling with ARFID, a person can have a larger body weight and still have ARFID.
This is my experience with ARFID. At the time struggling with this condition with my child, I had no explanation for what this meant or how to cope with the negative impact of food, sensory sensitivities, rigid thinking patterns, social rejection, and traumatic school/health/family experiences.
As parents, we often find ourselves trying to navigate the storm: a child in pain, a medical system focused on weight, and a world full of unhelpful messages.
The Risk of Weight Talk:
Being a larger woman, I was very aware of not using the “f” word around my children. I had heard it a lot from partners, medical professionals and peers through my medical and life journey and I wanted a different experience for my kids.
But children pick up on everything, especially neurodivergent ones, tone, shopping sizes, doctors visits, peer comments, parent undertones and biases.
Even if we avoid the “f” word, they live in a culture obsessed with size.
My son grew up playing rugby and even though his size and the way his brain worked made him the best person to play the position he played in, he still got grief from other players and sometimes the coach. There were niggling comments made from his father, he had issues with his gut from a young age which meant that processing many types of food meant going to the bathroom was a painful and embarrassing experience, his meds made him feel sick and put off food for years and the doctors would speak about his size, eating habits and bodily functions like he wasn’t even in the room (even though I advocated for them to include him in all the discussions as much as possible).
What we focus on matters, because they have brains like elephants, they remember EVERYTHING.
Shifting the Narrative:
Shifting to a focus on skills, strengths and function is something that I wish I understood more about sooner. I know that I did some of this instinctively but kids don’t come with a manual right, and certainly not these ones.
Understanding that brain/body connection has been a big one for me, and is one that I teach my clients, adults and children. Educating ourselves and our children about how our brains and body use and restore energy can be a great way to look beyond appearance to build awareness and identity.
“How does your body feel today?”
“What gives you energy?”
“What are you really good at that has nothing to do with how you look?”
Track energy levels, mood, or sleep — not just steps.
Create family rituals that aren’t fitness-focused but connection-focused.
Check out my energy resource template here
What You Can Do Today:
Cut yourself some slack - again this is NOT A PARENTING ISSUE, you are learning about your child alongside them. Building connections alongside them learning about themselves holds that safe space for them. Normalizing your own emotions alongside theirs, without the rush to fix builds understanding and self compassion.
Supporting emotional resilience, teaching that the big wide world might not always have their best interests at heart but being strong in identity beyond appearance builds autonomy and authenticity.
Choosing structure, movement and rituals in day to day life that bring joy rather than shame or rejection.
Your child's body is a home that they are learning to live in and their brain is the amazing power house that they were born with for a reason. Let’s help them decorate it with love, movement, comfort and kindness.